It seems like people are always searching for happiness and figuring out ways to achieve it. Money, love, hobbies, or anything to pursue happiness. But have you ever wondered what makes you not happy or unsatisfied with your life? On a Saturday afternoon, I suddenly realized that it was all because of myself.
I cared about other’s feelings so much
I used to, and even now, still, and sometimes, cared about what people were feeling and thinking about me.
When I posted a picture on my social site and was so satisfied with it, mom told me that I looked so ugly in this pic. Well, I admitted that was not a good picture and good pose. But that time, I don’t remember why, but it was so chaotic in my mind that I really want to express something, express that I’m not always that well-behaved and good-looking, and a not-good-looking photo might help me feel better. Here it is, the photo that mom didn’t like.
Again, today, mom called me and we talked about a post on my Facebook. She claimed that it’s so disgusting to mention how my new breakfast hobby helped me … uhm, reduce “constipation”.
That’s why I used to set my privacy on Facebook carefully so that my family couldn’t read my posts. (But I stopped doing it a few years ago, good job me :))
Now I spend less time on people’s judgment or “the fear that people may judge me”. That doesn’t mean I ignore all the comments, just try not to let them ruin my mood as much as in the past. You know, people don’t care about you as much as you might think.
I chose to escape every time
When I was a freshman, I had to borrow my cousin’s laptop before my dad bought me one. And when I got my new laptop, my cousin borrowed it from me and used it all night until morning (to watch movies). I didn’t want my new laptop to work that much so I just told him that. He was angry and said I shouldn’t have behaved that bad.
And his words were as sharp as a knife, which made me hide away all the next day. I didn’t get back home in order that I didn’t have to see him. I spent all the afternoon on my university campus (Khoa Phap ULIS, my favorite campus) to think about it. Well, If I have had a gut to express what I really thought, and that I’m not that kind of selfish, it’s just not recommended to use a laptop for a long time like this, I would have felt much much better that time.
I’m so scared about the future
Anticipatory Anxiety – Fear of the future is anticipatory anxiety. It’s excessive worry about potential future events. People with anticipatory anxiety often experience panic attacks. (Source)
Well, I’m not that excessive worry about the future yet sometimes I ruined myself because of my stupid hypothesis. My fear is that I and my boyfriend may break up because of my family’s protest. Mom and dad don’t like him so one day we have to choose between running away together or giving up the love that my friends are admiring. =))
That fear was the inspiration of this post “Everyone has a rough day of the youth“.
That stupid fear even came to my dream and took a lot of my tears.
I think I can never be happier if I’m always fearing what I can’t predict or control. Be brave, the coward me!
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